she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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