his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
