im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
