Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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