Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
