I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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