Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
