i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
