He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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