thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Alive.
So much puke
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
