There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
