I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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