You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
