I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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