I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
