The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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