Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
