aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
