ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
