i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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