So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
