Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
