Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
