I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
