o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
