apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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