I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize