u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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