I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
