i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
