She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
