I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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