Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
