my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
