It's never too late to be topless.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
