I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
