Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I believe in your delicious
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
