She's JV to your varsity
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
