soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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