At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
