Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
