So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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