I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We left the knife in your bed.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
