Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
