Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
