If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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