One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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