you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
3 2 1 whiskey
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
