i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
