erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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