Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize