I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
