She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
