I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
