You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
