There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was like eating out sand paper
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
