Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that's an acceptable place to lick
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Randomize
