If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
