I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
