dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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