Where did you get a picture of my penis
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Houston, we have a blender
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
