Just cropdusted the office
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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