a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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