did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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