he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
