You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
