fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
