Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ttyl tear gas
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
