Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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