Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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