We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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