Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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