I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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