Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
do nipples grow back?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
