Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
