I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
