wat bout pragnant strippers??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
