You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
