I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
